a little bored

dear world,

i’ve been off work for almost 2 weeks. i had surgery and spent 5 days in the hospital recovering. i spent 4 days home with my family and then they left for a week. a girlfriend visited for a day and a half and now i’m on my own.

it was kind of nice at first, but now i’m kind of bored. i miss my girls. i miss my husband. i miss talking to people. it’s really hot outside so it’s not exactly walk through the neighborhood weather although i did talk a long(er) walk this morning. it’s 99 degrees outside. that’s just gross.

i haven’t taken any of the pain medication since last night at bedtime so i could probably safely drive myself somewhere, but where would i go? what would i do? it’s like this total lack of activity and lack of mental engagement has left me without ideas or plans. i don’t really need to buy anything and i don’t have much stamina still so wandering through target for an hour is probably not on my list anyway.

i have 5 overripe bananas sitting in the basket. i thought, i’ll make banana bread! tasty and time consuming. i even got out the fake butter and washed the loaf pans before i realized i can’t lift the mixer. and that i can’t cream buter by hand. so i put the butter back in the fridge and i’m waiting until someone comes over who can lift the mixer and put it up on the counter for me.

i’m not really complaining. it’s so rare to have this much quiet i feel like i should soak it up and savor it. it’s also probably the best thing i can have to get stronger and feel better before the whirlwind that is my life gets started again tuesday evening when they come home.

really looking forward to it,

cm

new neighbors

dear world,

me and V and baby N were playing outside this afternoon when we heard someone playing basketball at the house behind ours. this would not usually stand out, except that the house has been on the market for a long, long time. the previous owner died and she had lived in the house since 1959. i figured the care takers were just enjoying the weather.

then, we saw the little girl. she kept peeking at V who in turn kept peeking at her. we officially have new neighbors. they literally bought the house today.

i’m actually pretty excited. they have 3 kids, but the middle daughter is 10 days older than V and i’ve never seen 2 kids make friends so quickly. it seemed like they’ve known each other for 20 years. suddenly, we have 2 inseparable 4 year olds. the dad seems cool, if  a little dorky. (he did have on a t-shirt with an image of a tie on it.) i went ahead and invited them to V’s party tomorrow. i kind of hope they come.

how cool would it be to actually make friends with our neighbors? V has asked about the little girl about 800 times since we parted company. where is she? when will we see her again? tonight? tomorrow? she’ll be at my party, right? i’m going to have to get her a sleeping bag.

with images of sleepovers already in my head,

cm

we are so grown up

dear world,

a couple months ago, i read an article in one of the parenting magazines about life insurance. it discussed the different types of life insurance, but also how much life insurance one ought to have. suddenly, i realized that if one of us was gone, we would literally not have enough money to care for our children.

i started investigating life insurance companies and eventually got overwhelmed by the sheer number of choices, companies, options out there. i randomly called a couple places. the first place left me on hold for too long. i gave up. the second place set me up with an appointment. this was back in early february.

now, 3 months later, my husband and i each have life insurance policies. we have set up a trust in case we both die in the same accident. we have a guardian for our children in the event of that same accident that takes us both out. we have wills. we have an executor for said will who is different from the guardian. t’s crossed. i’s dotted. we even have an umbrella policy in case we get sued by someone who could sue us for more money than we have.

i feel completely exhausted by my responsible-ness. and a little broke. making sure there is a good plan to take care of your kids should you happen to die is morose and expensive. but at least now it’s done. we just have to sign a couple more papers and we’re set for a good while.

the funny thing for me is as i was telling my mother about all of our planning, she said, well i’ll take the girls. and i had to say, no, actually you won’t. isn’t it counter-intuitive to assume that one’s parent will look after one’s child in the case of an accident? i mean, i’m not hoping my mother will die before i do, but isn’t that the way it’s supposed to happen? parents are supposed to predecease their kids. that’s why it’s so sad when i child dies first.

hoping i don’t ever have to use this insurance,

cm

making the make-up switch

dear world,

after V was born, i felt like i needed a little something more than moisturizer on my face for everyday living. my mother introduced me to the bare minerals make-up, took me to the store and had the ladies show me how to apply it and i’ve been wearing it pretty much everyday since then. i’m nothing if not loyal.

recently, i felt like i should maybe try a different product. or a different manufacturer or just something different than what i’ve been doing for the past 4 years. everywhere i looked, i found this make-up called hello, flawless. how’s that for positive thinking?

last friday, after a terribly long week at work, i took a half day and went to the mall. i took my 15% off coupon and went to sephora to ask for direction. should i stick with what i have or move on? the woman who helped me pulled out two products, showed me how to put them on and seriously, my skin looked great! plus, this new make-up takes a 4 step process (foundation, concealer, warmth, mineral veil) down to 2 (concealer, powder foundation).

as a mother who needs every spare minute in the morning, this is revolutionary. and damn- that concealer actually hides the dark circles that have been living under my eyes for the past 6 months (4 years…). i didn’t think it was possible. i feel a little like a traitor and i still haven’t told my mom that i’ve switched away from her favorite brand, but i’m kind of proud of myself for trying something new and mastering a new make-up technique. (i know i can sound pretty girly, but i really only know the tricks people have taken the time to show me. i have zero creativity in the cosmetics department.)

maybe not really flawless, but feeling pretty close,

cm

nothing like trying on a bathing suit…

dear world,

there is nothing in the world like trying on a bathing suit… after eating a burger and fries for dinner… after having two kids… after turning 30… to make a girl feel old and softer than she used to be.

shaped differently that before,

cm

primary responsibility

dear world,

i am the person in our household who is primarily responsible for our children. there. i said it.

i love my husband and i do believe we have a partnership in our marriage and our life together, but not in some areas. for example, he is the person primarily responsibly for our money. as in, i will ask before i make any sort of major purchase. i am the person responsible for our kids.

there are some distinct advantages to having one person assume this responsibility. last night, i forgot to give baby N her dose of antibiotics to fix up her ear infection. i went ahead and gave it to her this morning, confident that we will not have double dosed her. the challenge is that if i want MHM to help with the baby, i have to ask him. or be specific about the tasks that need to be accomplished and what part of those i expect him to take on.

now that i’ve stopped breastfeeding, there is no reason on earth why i should be the only person to get up in the night to feed her. except i am. unless i wake him up and tell him to go take care of her. which then means i’m already awake. i’m already thinking that i could have got up and got her bottle and stopped her crying and we could all be back asleep. so i don’t ask. which adds to the dynamic.

i’m not trying to be a martyr and say that life is so hard and i’m the only one who can handle parenting in our house and so on. just the opposite, in fact. i am not the only person who can parent- i just haven’t figured out how to balance it. i read an article in the times a couple years ago that talked about 50/50 parenting, developing a true partnership in parenting shared parenting, i think they called it. i think ultimately i strive for that, but my own desire for control gets in the way. (i also thought, well if we all had that much money it sure would be easier to make decisions like that, but that’s another story.)

i’m much better than i was with V. i think she was probably almost a year old before i let anybody else put her to bed. i was the only person who could do it right. as in, my way or the highway buddy. i’m way beyond that now. i realize there are a million ways to do things. it’s just when i’m not sure or we have a decision to make as parents, usually i get the last word.

how’s that for candid,

cm

sunday afternoon

dear world,

we had a lovely sunday afternoon. it’s been so long since i’ve been able to say that. seriously.

the baby actually took a real nap (2 1/2 hours!). V played quietly by herself with no prompting. MHM graded his school work and i sat in the dining room sewing a blanket for V. no one fought. no one fussed. i didn’t feel guilty for not exercising since i have a terrible cold and can’t breathe out on my nose anyway.

it was peaceful.

having an afternoon like that gives me hope that there will be more in the future and that one day i won’t always be so tired and in constant motion.

it doesn’t take much for me to relax,

cm

ps- i should note that i have also been up since 4:30am when the baby decided she was done sleeping for the night. oh well.

lovely lashes

dear world,

as i read a magazine shortly after N was born, i found the best tip ever. it said, if you’re applying mascara on top of mascara (like if you’re dressing up to go out of an evening) wet your eye lashes before applying an additional coat. mascara needs something to stick to and this will help your mascara not get clumpy. bingo!

now, i know the magazine people meant this for people with social lives who leave the office or workplace for a night on the town, but as the mother of a newborn i’m lucky if i remember to take my make up off before i go to sleep at night. and let’s face it, at that moment if i could sleep for 5 more minutes or spend 5 minutes taking off my eye make up sleep was going to win.

now, when i neglect to take my make up off before bed, i’ll often take it off in the morning before i start again, but simply coating my eye lashes with a little water from the tap reduces those clumps like anything. and then at least i don’t look like i’m too tired to take my make up off.

i also found a pretty great mascara and i’ve tried a bunch. i’m currently using benefit they’re real. the lady at sephora recommended it to me. she had kind of crazy eye lashes, but i think that’s part of their job description is to not look like the rest of us.

hope you find time to take off your make up,

cm

the drive-thru: lazy or lovely?

dear world,

i read two completely different blog posts recently referring to the drive thru. you know, how you can pull up to starbucks, order your coffee and not have to get out of your car? i live in ohio deep in the middle of america. there are drive thrus everywhere.

apparently, drive thru banking is uniquely american. this never occurred to me before, even though i’ve travelled somewhat. most other countries have walk up ATMs or people go into the actual bank to do their banking. i remember being young and sitting in the van with my sisters while my mom did all her banking through the window. the little plastic door opened, she removed the tube, put whatever she put inside it and then it got sucked up, up, up and over into the bank. i can still hear the sound. (and it always came back with a sucker for each of us.)

it never occurred to me that maybe she went through the drive through because there were 3 of us and it was a pain to get us out of the car, into the bank, maintain good behavior and back into the car. maybe drive thru banking was made for her.

which is where the other blog post comes in. michelle noehren writes,

As a mom with a child under the age of 1 who loves to nap in the car, I have come to have a deep appreciation for places that have drive-thru’s. Just the other day I needed to pick up a prescription for antibiotics that I had to begin taking that evening. I picked up the baby from daycare and she fell asleep in the car by the time I got to CVS (my local pharmacy). It was incredibly cold outside and I just couldn’t bring myself to wake her up, carry her from the car to the store in below freezing temperatures, just to spend 5 minutes getting my medicine. Then I remembered that CVS has a drive thru pharmacy — score! I happily waited my turn in line, sitting in my warm car with my little girl sleeping peacefully in the back seat. (I’ve also had to use the Starbucks drive thru for similar reasons)

i am that person now. with two kids in the car, i have literally not gone places because i couldn’t fathom getting them both out without major disaster. i haven’t gone through the starbucks’ drive thru yet, but only because there isn’t one on my way to anywhere. i used to think that drive thru coffee or prescriptions or any of the other million ways americans don’t have to get out of their cars was because as a culture, we can be lazy. now, i know: some of us really, really need to keep the car running, to keep the baby sleeping.

slightly shifting my perspective,

cm

the joy of a good bargain

dear world,

i totally got a good deal this morning. and i’m pretty proud of myself for doing it, too. you see, it’s rather expensive to have two kids in daycare at the same time and our budget is tight. it’s my job to *not* spend money on stuff we don’t need. it’s my job to remember to try to mostly spend money on stuff we *do* need or at least really, really want.

i bought a pair of khaki pants from the gap right before the holidays when i thought my size had stabilized. and i really love them. they fit great and they were really comfortable, until i lost more weight went down another size. the good news is that i’m back to my pre-pregnancy weight. the bad news is that these pants really are too big now. they look baggy.

i mulled and mulled and decided that indeed, i need a new pair that fit. and i was determined to get a good deal. i listened to this story on npr the other day about how women generally get a better deal when buying a car. well, i wanted a good deal on these pants.

first, i went to the actual store to try the pants on (i wasn’t exactly sure what size to purchase.) with my 30% off in-store-only coupon in my pocket. i tried on the trousers. i figured out what size to buy, but when i looked at the ticket it said $54.95. i felt pretty confident that they cost less online. so i left the store with no pants and figured i would wait for an online coupon to come in my emails.

this morning, my moment arrived. i had a 40% off online-only coupon. the pants were on sale online for $39.99 and i had an additional $10 off. i bought two pairs for $40.53. and i got free shipping. i rule.

sticking to our budget,

cm