Posts Tagged 'notes'

a little bored

dear world,

i’ve been off work for almost 2 weeks. i had surgery and spent 5 days in the hospital recovering. i spent 4 days home with my family and then they left for a week. a girlfriend visited for a day and a half and now i’m on my own.

it was kind of nice at first, but now i’m kind of bored. i miss my girls. i miss my husband. i miss talking to people. it’s really hot outside so it’s not exactly walk through the neighborhood weather although i did talk a long(er) walk this morning. it’s 99 degrees outside. that’s just gross.

i haven’t taken any of the pain medication since last night at bedtime so i could probably safely drive myself somewhere, but where would i go? what would i do? it’s like this total lack of activity and lack of mental engagement has left me without ideas or plans. i don’t really need to buy anything and i don’t have much stamina still so wandering through target for an hour is probably not on my list anyway.

i have 5 overripe bananas sitting in the basket. i thought, i’ll make banana bread! tasty and time consuming. i even got out the fake butter and washed the loaf pans before i realized i can’t lift the mixer. and that i can’t cream buter by hand. so i put the butter back in the fridge and i’m waiting until someone comes over who can lift the mixer and put it up on the counter for me.

i’m not really complaining. it’s so rare to have this much quiet i feel like i should soak it up and savor it. it’s also probably the best thing i can have to get stronger and feel better before the whirlwind that is my life gets started again tuesday evening when they come home.

really looking forward to it,

cm

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new neighbors

dear world,

me and V and baby N were playing outside this afternoon when we heard someone playing basketball at the house behind ours. this would not usually stand out, except that the house has been on the market for a long, long time. the previous owner died and she had lived in the house since 1959. i figured the care takers were just enjoying the weather.

then, we saw the little girl. she kept peeking at V who in turn kept peeking at her. we officially have new neighbors. they literally bought the house today.

i’m actually pretty excited. they have 3 kids, but the middle daughter is 10 days older than V and i’ve never seen 2 kids make friends so quickly. it seemed like they’ve known each other for 20 years. suddenly, we have 2 inseparable 4 year olds. the dad seems cool, if  a little dorky. (he did have on a t-shirt with an image of a tie on it.) i went ahead and invited them to V’s party tomorrow. i kind of hope they come.

how cool would it be to actually make friends with our neighbors? V has asked about the little girl about 800 times since we parted company. where is she? when will we see her again? tonight? tomorrow? she’ll be at my party, right? i’m going to have to get her a sleeping bag.

with images of sleepovers already in my head,

cm

we are so grown up

dear world,

a couple months ago, i read an article in one of the parenting magazines about life insurance. it discussed the different types of life insurance, but also how much life insurance one ought to have. suddenly, i realized that if one of us was gone, we would literally not have enough money to care for our children.

i started investigating life insurance companies and eventually got overwhelmed by the sheer number of choices, companies, options out there. i randomly called a couple places. the first place left me on hold for too long. i gave up. the second place set me up with an appointment. this was back in early february.

now, 3 months later, my husband and i each have life insurance policies. we have set up a trust in case we both die in the same accident. we have a guardian for our children in the event of that same accident that takes us both out. we have wills. we have an executor for said will who is different from the guardian. t’s crossed. i’s dotted. we even have an umbrella policy in case we get sued by someone who could sue us for more money than we have.

i feel completely exhausted by my responsible-ness. and a little broke. making sure there is a good plan to take care of your kids should you happen to die is morose and expensive. but at least now it’s done. we just have to sign a couple more papers and we’re set for a good while.

the funny thing for me is as i was telling my mother about all of our planning, she said, well i’ll take the girls. and i had to say, no, actually you won’t. isn’t it counter-intuitive to assume that one’s parent will look after one’s child in the case of an accident? i mean, i’m not hoping my mother will die before i do, but isn’t that the way it’s supposed to happen? parents are supposed to predecease their kids. that’s why it’s so sad when i child dies first.

hoping i don’t ever have to use this insurance,

cm

making the make-up switch

dear world,

after V was born, i felt like i needed a little something more than moisturizer on my face for everyday living. my mother introduced me to the bare minerals make-up, took me to the store and had the ladies show me how to apply it and i’ve been wearing it pretty much everyday since then. i’m nothing if not loyal.

recently, i felt like i should maybe try a different product. or a different manufacturer or just something different than what i’ve been doing for the past 4 years. everywhere i looked, i found this make-up called hello, flawless. how’s that for positive thinking?

last friday, after a terribly long week at work, i took a half day and went to the mall. i took my 15% off coupon and went to sephora to ask for direction. should i stick with what i have or move on? the woman who helped me pulled out two products, showed me how to put them on and seriously, my skin looked great! plus, this new make-up takes a 4 step process (foundation, concealer, warmth, mineral veil) down to 2 (concealer, powder foundation).

as a mother who needs every spare minute in the morning, this is revolutionary. and damn- that concealer actually hides the dark circles that have been living under my eyes for the past 6 months (4 years…). i didn’t think it was possible. i feel a little like a traitor and i still haven’t told my mom that i’ve switched away from her favorite brand, but i’m kind of proud of myself for trying something new and mastering a new make-up technique. (i know i can sound pretty girly, but i really only know the tricks people have taken the time to show me. i have zero creativity in the cosmetics department.)

maybe not really flawless, but feeling pretty close,

cm

nothing like trying on a bathing suit…

dear world,

there is nothing in the world like trying on a bathing suit… after eating a burger and fries for dinner… after having two kids… after turning 30… to make a girl feel old and softer than she used to be.

shaped differently that before,

cm

primary responsibility

dear world,

i am the person in our household who is primarily responsible for our children. there. i said it.

i love my husband and i do believe we have a partnership in our marriage and our life together, but not in some areas. for example, he is the person primarily responsibly for our money. as in, i will ask before i make any sort of major purchase. i am the person responsible for our kids.

there are some distinct advantages to having one person assume this responsibility. last night, i forgot to give baby N her dose of antibiotics to fix up her ear infection. i went ahead and gave it to her this morning, confident that we will not have double dosed her. the challenge is that if i want MHM to help with the baby, i have to ask him. or be specific about the tasks that need to be accomplished and what part of those i expect him to take on.

now that i’ve stopped breastfeeding, there is no reason on earth why i should be the only person to get up in the night to feed her. except i am. unless i wake him up and tell him to go take care of her. which then means i’m already awake. i’m already thinking that i could have got up and got her bottle and stopped her crying and we could all be back asleep. so i don’t ask. which adds to the dynamic.

i’m not trying to be a martyr and say that life is so hard and i’m the only one who can handle parenting in our house and so on. just the opposite, in fact. i am not the only person who can parent- i just haven’t figured out how to balance it. i read an article in the times a couple years ago that talked about 50/50 parenting, developing a true partnership in parenting shared parenting, i think they called it. i think ultimately i strive for that, but my own desire for control gets in the way. (i also thought, well if we all had that much money it sure would be easier to make decisions like that, but that’s another story.)

i’m much better than i was with V. i think she was probably almost a year old before i let anybody else put her to bed. i was the only person who could do it right. as in, my way or the highway buddy. i’m way beyond that now. i realize there are a million ways to do things. it’s just when i’m not sure or we have a decision to make as parents, usually i get the last word.

how’s that for candid,

cm

sunday afternoon

dear world,

photo.JPGwe had a lovely sunday afternoon. it’s been so long since i’ve been able to say that. seriously.

the baby actually took a real nap (2 1/2 hours!). V played quietly by herself with no prompting. MHM graded his school work and i sat in the dining room sewing a blanket for V. no one fought. no one fussed. i didn’t feel guilty for not exercising since i have a terrible cold and can’t breathe out on my nose anyway.

photo.JPGit was peaceful.

having an afternoon like that gives me hope that there will be more in the future and that one day i won’t always be so tired and in constant motion.

it doesn’t take much for me to relax,

cm

ps- i should note that i have also been up since 4:30am when the baby decided she was done sleeping for the night. oh well.


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