primary responsibility

dear world,

i am the person in our household who is primarily responsible for our children. there. i said it.

i love my husband and i do believe we have a partnership in our marriage and our life together, but not in some areas. for example, he is the person primarily responsibly for our money. as in, i will ask before i make any sort of major purchase. i am the person responsible for our kids.

there are some distinct advantages to having one person assume this responsibility. last night, i forgot to give baby N her dose of antibiotics to fix up her ear infection. i went ahead and gave it to her this morning, confident that we will not have double dosed her. the challenge is that if i want MHM to help with the baby, i have to ask him. or be specific about the tasks that need to be accomplished and what part of those i expect him to take on.

now that i’ve stopped breastfeeding, there is no reason on earth why i should be the only person to get up in the night to feed her. except i am. unless i wake him up and tell him to go take care of her. which then means i’m already awake. i’m already thinking that i could have got up and got her bottle and stopped her crying and we could all be back asleep. so i don’t ask. which adds to the dynamic.

i’m not trying to be a martyr and say that life is so hard and i’m the only one who can handle parenting in our house and so on. just the opposite, in fact. i am not the only person who can parent- i just haven’t figured out how to balance it. i read an article in the times a couple years ago that talked about 50/50 parenting, developing a true partnership in parenting shared parenting, i think they called it. i think ultimately i strive for that, but my own desire for control gets in the way. (i also thought, well if we all had that much money it sure would be easier to make decisions like that, but that’s another story.)

i’m much better than i was with V. i think she was probably almost a year old before i let anybody else put her to bed. i was the only person who could do it right. as in, my way or the highway buddy. i’m way beyond that now. i realize there are a million ways to do things. it’s just when i’m not sure or we have a decision to make as parents, usually i get the last word.

how’s that for candid,

cm

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