Posts Tagged 'newborn'

baby blanket: complete

dear world,

i totally finished the baby blanket i started for my sister’s baby! and i am ridiculously proud of myself. i feel like i should probably be a little humble and unassuming about it, but this is the first actual proper baby blanket i’ve ever made.

exhibit a: pre-binding blanket

i almost gave in when i realized i had to hand stitch the entire perimeter  but i  did it and it only took me a couple of days. (mostly because my hand cramped up after the first day and i needed a break.)

exhibit b: the completed blanket

i just hope this baby uses it. i hope he’s warm in it. i hope he rolls around on the floor on it. i hope it shelters him from the rain while he’s running with his mommy from the car into the store. i hope he snuggles it at night. honestly, so long as it doesn’t get put into the bag of “oh, these are nice. we should use them someday” blankets, i’ll be happy.

done and done,

cm

keep off the drugs, man

dear world,

i am currently not taking any prescription medications. this is the first time in at least 6 years that i haven’t gotten up every morning and brought my Rx medicine chest to the table with a big glass of juice. it was part of our morning routine: V has banana and cereal and i have juice and medicine. now i get to have a bagel and peanut butter. this is way better.

i had my follow-up appointment with the surgeon last week and she said i’m doing really well. i’m recovering nicely and i got cleared to lift the baby. i am back in bedtime business! of course this also means i’m back in wake up earlier than before business, too, but that comes with the territory. the rest of my restrictions are lifted august 6th. (but i’m still going to ask MHM to carry the laundry to the basement for me. it’s really nice not having to do that!)

this was the first in a series of surgeries and the next is scheduled for september 17th. and we start the whole hospital, recovery, restrictions over again for another 6 weeks. at least i’m on the path to recovery.

feeling free,

cm

missing some milestones

dear world,

when i went up to the hospital for my surgery, i still rocked my baby to sleep every night. now, she can settle herself down for bedtime and for naps. i’m at once super pleased and super frustrated that i wasn’t the one to get her there.

yesterday afternoon, MHM took her upstairs, gave her a bottle, burped her and put her in the crib. then he just came downstairs and asked me if he could go on his errand. i asked that he wait until she was really asleep since i can’t lift still which means i cannot get her out of the crib.

he went upstairs 5 minutes later, peeked in and saw her sitting up in her bed quietly playing with her blanket and her bunny. i never heard another peep out of her. she settled herself down and took a 1 1/2 hour nap. which is amazing. i don’t know why i feel so frustrated by this development except that i missed it. i missed the moment when she turned that corner into being a big(ger) girl.

happy/sad,

cm

emotional mommy

dear world,

i’m just all emotional these days. i went to a  yoga class sunday morning with an instructor i really like. she’s a mother and looks like a real person not a super yoga i’ll-never-be-that-flexible person. she flew into the room about 5 minutes late telling us that as she sat down to nurse her daughter she realized that the clocks had changed and she had 5 minutes to get to class. her daughter is over a year old.

i felt tears sting my eyes.

i feel jealous. how on earth can some people so casually be so great at breastfeeding? i feel guilty because i wish i could give my daughter that same experience. i feel frustrated when activist breast-feeding mothers get all judge-y that not everyone nurses until their children are 3 years old without knowing the whole story. i feel sad that i have to give my little girl a bottle at bedtime instead of latching on like she’s expecting.

and i feel proud that i made it 6 months. when i spoke with the nurse last week about how to make my milk go away one of the last things she told me was that i did a good job. and that i will still be able to bond with my daughter. there are other ways to make that connection. nursing is just one way to be close.

missing that closeness,

cm

no research

dear world,

several months ago i thought i was going to have to give up breastfeeding my daughter because i got prescribed a medication that’s unsafe for nursing. however, the insurance company wouldn’t approve the drug and so i just kept feeding her while we went through the appeals process.

now, i’ve been prescribed a different drug. i filled the Rx and as i’m reading the instructions they say that the effects on breast milk are unknown. do not breastfeed and take this medication. i totally thought it was going to be fine. i remember asking the doctor about nursing and taking the medicine, but i didn’t write down the answer. i usually try to not hear what i want to hear, but this time i did.

i called the specialists office. to his very great credit, he got a message back to me the same day. there is no research to show what happens to the baby if you take this and breastfeed. i called the breastfeeding hotline. same answer: there is no research to show the effects of the drug. no one wants to participate in that study, i guess.

i’m pretty bummed about it. i think mostly because i feel surprised. i thought it would be fine and it’s not. the trouble is i don’t feel well enough to just decide not to take the medicine. the doctor did prescribe it for a reason and i really hope it works. the good thing is that we made it precisely 6 months before having to switch 100% to formula.

c’est la vie,

cm

it’s a new phase

dear world,

since baby N got sick a couple weeks ago, she’s been waking in the night every two hours to eat. on really bad nights, she woke up about every 45 minutes. i don’t know if she just needed to snuggle or if she was going through a growth spurt, but goodness it is exhausting!

i feel like i spent two weeks in a fog. i felt so tired by the end of the day that i couldn’t focus at work. i snapped at V. (not without cause, but usually i try to be a little more patient.) i felt so tired i could just cry. anytime, for no reason.

then, finally, last night she slept! not through the whole night, but she woke up at 10:30pm, 1:30am and 4am then slept until 7:15am. so awesome. i am like a much nicer and more alert version of myself. it’s amazing what a little bit of sleep in a row can do for a person.

here’s hoping this new phase lasts,

cm

ps- we also decided to add rice cereal to her diet to hopefully fill her up more. we tried around 4 months and she had no interest in it. yesterday she actually ate some. and she ate some at school today, too. i’m hoping she’s getting the hang of it and that will help her sleep longer, too.

morning math

dear world,

i realized recently that every morning when my alarm goes off, i make a rapid calculation about what i’m going to do next. there are 4 options:

  1. go back to sleep for as long as possible
  2. do yoga
  3. take a shower
  4. feed the baby

i set my alarm for 5:05am with the full intention of getting out of bed, going downstairs and doing yoga for at least 20 minutes and 30 if i have hope the baby will sleep. but when that alarm goes off, the question of what weighs more rolls through my mind. if the baby was up a bunch in the night, sleep weighs more than yoga. if i’ve been particularly stressed, yoga weighs more than sleep. if i haven’t made it into the shower in a couple days, showering outweighs sleep and yoga.

and then there’s the baby. she has been on a 5am or 5:30am wake up plan lately. no sooner do i begin my yoga practice than i will hear her start to peep upstairs. or cry. even when i try to arrange for MHM to care for her so i can at least finish my practice, i’d rather feed her than have to pump so i stop the program and head upstairs. feeding the baby weighs more than everything.

so far this week i’ve just accepted that she’s going to be up a lot in the night and i’m tired. i’ve stopped fooling myself and i am not even going to attempt to do yoga this week. i’d like to sleep past 5:30am just once this week and catch up a little. then maybe i can start to add yoga back into that morning equation.

not a numbers person,

cm

 


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