Posts Tagged 'illness & recovery'

the sick day

dear world,

V has a virus. i sent her to school tuesday with a little cough and the nurse called around 1pm. she had a pretty good cough. i didn’t let the nurse take her temperature in case it was a fluke and we could send her the next day, but she actually had a low-grade fever. and her fever held between 100.2 and 100.6 for the past two days.

today, i fully intended to take her to school except her fever was still there this morning. so, instead, i kept her home. we watched tv, i did some work, we went grocery shopping and she watched more tv.

i made ketchup (from scratch) and started making vanilla extract for our holiday gifts. i did laundry. what else is a girl to do?

then, late afternoon, her fever went up. instead of hovering around 100, it’s’ now hovering around 101. i took her to the doctor on thursday who said this fever lasts 3-5 days. she said to go back if the fever spiked or lasted until monday. but now i’m nervous. going up after 3 1/2 days versus going down is not so good.

i hate this. i want her to feel better and sometimes it seems like she is. but then, she walked over this afternoon and just put her head in my lap. she actually asked to go to bed this evening. that may have never happened before.

i’m a little concerned. i have a call into the after hours line at the doctor’s office. i hope they say it’s fine. i hope her fever breaks tonight.

here’s hoping,



crushed by the flu

dear world,

while i’ve dealt with a chronic illness for several years, aside from that i rarely get sick. maybe once a year, i’ll catch a cold or get a fever, but overall i’m ok. when i do catch something though, it’s like being crushed by a hammer of sickness.

i woke up around midnight last night and thought, my tummy hurts. i’ll just go back to sleep. but that didn’t happen. i got crushed by the hammer of the 24 hour flu. ugh.

i couldn’t even pretend like i was going to be able to get the girls up for school. it was horrible. MHM picked up the pieces, got them up, dressed, fed and off to school all while i slept fitfully. it’s times like these that i wonder what i would do if i didn’t have a partner who lived with me. how on earth would i have started the day? who could i have called. my mother is travelling and it has to be a pretty close neighbor to ask a favor like that. as terrible as i felt, at least i didn’t have that worry on top of everything else.

and then by 11am, i was ok. not great, but manageable. now, however, at the end of the day, i am wiped out. as soon as both of them are asleep i’m going to straight to bed.

stupid flu,


the end of medical leave

dear world,

i’ve been alternately at work and on medical leave this year. starting in june, i’ve had 6 weeks off 6 weeks on almost 3 times. my final surgery was this past december 6th and i had my shortest hospital stay yet. my surgery was on thursday and i got to go home on saturday. i’m scheduled to be off through the new year. then it’s back to work and back to normal.

i’ve been trying to decide if i should travel with my family to NY the week between christmas and new years. i am on leave. MHM is a teacher so he’s on leave. this is one of the few times we have to go see everyone. and now, i have to decide if i’m going to go along.

there are several things to weigh in the decision. first and foremost, am i well enough to travel?

but that’s not a simple answer. i’ve travelled way sicker than i am right now, but do i want to risk the progress i’ve made to spend 8 hours in a car with my family? do i want to limit my diet so i feel ok while i’m there or do i want to spend my last week on leave stretching my limits before i have to go back to work? i know how to feel fine- i just don’t eat. but this time, is that the responsible choice?

i’m also going to miss spending a day along by myself. as much as i’ve been lonely and bored, i’ve enjoyed the restiveness of solitude. and it’s never going to come back. i’ll be full tilt for the next 18 years it feels like.

i’ve waffled and avoided making this choice until tonight. i think ultimately i have a responsibility to go. i can figure this health stuff out and choosing to stay by myself for a week to savor the time is just plain selfish. not really the christmas spirit and all that, you know?

happy christmas and safe travels to you all,


when you finally have time with each other…

dear world,

i am reading the new barbara kingsolver book now called flight behavior. i really like it. i’ve read pretty much everything else she’s written and it’s a welcome change for me from reading the mary russell series. in fact, it’s like the opposite of mary russell.

the thing that stands out in my mind today is a sentiment she shared in her novel. i read it last night or maybe this morning. part of the story is about a married couple and they haven’t spent much time with each other over the last 10 days. she wrote that at especially at the times when you most need to spend time with each other is the time you default right into an argument.

and here comes my life. i got the call from baby n’s school today around noon that she wasn’t well. MHM had said he’d be available after 11am for just in case. i called him first. he was out to lunch with friends and didn’t have his car. it would be an hour before he could get her. i called my mom and she had plans, but was willing to cancel. then i remembered that the caregiver who has been coming in the mornings to help us out was available until 1pm. i called her and she could come by and help me get baby  N into the house. it took me several calls and much arranging of people’s lives to pick up my little girl.

the first thing MHM says when he comes in the door is, “why didn’t you get V, too?” and it just went from there. it’s been a solid argument since 1:3pm. ugh.i even offered to let him go out after settle down to go be someplace else for a while, but he didn’t go. now, i feel like he’s just sitting here being pissed off that i ruined his lunch needed him to help me and no one behaved very well today. he said, no, he’s not upset. no, he’s not resentful. his actions say otherwise.

when you finally have time to spend with each other it just ends up in an argument.



susie home maker

dear world,

i am back to work half time, but today i think i accomplished more since i’ve been home than i did at work. it’s a little hard to get in the swing of things again.

at home, though, i’m on it.

we have our annual halloween parade and trick-or-treat tomorrow night in the neighborhood. obviously, i committed to bring cookies. how many cookies? i made a batch of chocolate chip cookies this afternoon (using real butter!) and the package said i should get 5 dozen cookies. i got 3 1/2. i guess i made the cookies too big, but they look wonderful. it’s a shame i can’t taste them. i’ll have to get feedback tonight. if they’re bad, i’ll just go to the bakery on the way home tomorrow. no one will know.

then, i *may* have overspent while on medical leave this time around. i felt kind of sad and stuck in the house. and not the productive let me clean out my closet stuck in the house. i guess i figured i’d get some pretty clothes to cheer me up for when i went back to work. i got a lot of them. so, this afternoon, i opened a 0% apr credit card, transferred my balance and now i have 15 months to pay off my wares. this is using credit to my advantage.

and now i’m done. and it’s only 2:50pm. i have a whole afternoon ahead of me. i think i’ll watch tv and save up my energy for my little ones when they get home. nana is coming for dinner and it’s like a madhouse when she comes, especially on a week night.

i read an article recently that said that women are now primarily the breadwinners in the family and when asked which responsibilities they kept for themselves a majority said the household finances. and baking.



the baby blanket project

dear world,

i tend to be intermittently crafty. i get a really good idea! then i get all the supplies i need to execute my really good idea! and then i lose steam.

for example, when i learned my sister was pregnant, i went out a bought this beautiful fabric to make her a baby blanket. i got one pattern for the front, a flannel pattern for the back and i even got batting to put inside to make it nice and warm. (please note, i have never actually made a baby blanket with batting inside before. i usually just stitch two pieces of material together and call it a day.)

i guess with this being my first nephew, i thought i’d make something really special. i’m pretty sure i got all my supplies in the spring. my sister had her baby a week ago today. hooray!

now, i guess i’d better get to work on that blanket…

yesterday, i did so great. i quilted a little, i trimmed the edges, i even ironed it. i got it all ready for me to finish up today. i planned to use the quilt binding my mom suggested. i uncovered the sewing machine. i got out the iron and ironing board. i got it out the binding and looked at it. then i looked at my fledging blanket and realized that this plan would not work. i called the sewing shop and she told me what to do which involves me purchasing more material in order to make the binding myself. (also something i have never done before.)

i got in my car and realized: i have no gas. i have no money. i will have both those things tomorrow.

i got back out of my car, put everything away again and will try again tomorrow. however, i did go ahead and send my sister her happy baby card and a target gift card in case this turns out to be a christmas present instead. (or just too awful to give as a gift. what if it looks like somebody who has no idea what she’s doing made it?! what kind of auntie would i be then?)

haphazardly sewing,


spending the weekend at nana’s house

hello world,

it’s been a little while since i’ve posted. ironically, i’m back on medical leave and have very little else to do. i haven’t had the energy to put my thoughts out into the world lately though. it happens.

this weekend is MHM’s mother and step-father’s 20th wedding anniversary. however, rather than our whole family driving to to NY together, he is going solo and we are spending the weekend at nana’s house. just us girls.

V is really looking forward to it. N has no idea. and as for me, i’m not really all that excited about it. i’m appreciative. i can’t pick up the baby again so i can’t actually be alone with both girls. i know we don’t have an extra bedroom anymore so it’s not really fair to ask my mother to sleep on our sofa when she clearly has not only enough beds, but also a dog who needs to be cared for. it’s just going to be complete chaos. i’m not super thrilled to be in the middle of it.

it’s hard to be in charge of your kids when your mom is used to being in charge in her own house. she eats differently than we do. she lets them watch way more tv than we do. i’ve never actually stayed with her with the girls before. maybe i’m just over anticipating. but even when i stay there by myself, i still want to come home to my own house.

putting on my smile,