the end of medical leave

dear world,

i’ve been alternately at work and on medical leave this year. starting in june, i’ve had 6 weeks off 6 weeks on almost 3 times. my final surgery was this past december 6th and i had my shortest hospital stay yet. my surgery was on thursday and i got to go home on saturday. i’m scheduled to be off through the new year. then it’s back to work and back to normal.

i’ve been trying to decide if i should travel with my family to NY the week between christmas and new years. i am on leave. MHM is a teacher so he’s on leave. this is one of the few times we have to go see everyone. and now, i have to decide if i’m going to go along.

there are several things to weigh in the decision. first and foremost, am i well enough to travel?

but that’s not a simple answer. i’ve travelled way sicker than i am right now, but do i want to risk the progress i’ve made to spend 8 hours in a car with my family? do i want to limit my diet so i feel ok while i’m there or do i want to spend my last week on leave stretching my limits before i have to go back to work? i know how to feel fine- i just don’t eat. but this time, is that the responsible choice?

i’m also going to miss spending a day along by myself. as much as i’ve been lonely and bored, i’ve enjoyed the restiveness of solitude. and it’s never going to come back. i’ll be full tilt for the next 18 years it feels like.

i’ve waffled and avoided making this choice until tonight. i think ultimately i have a responsibility to go. i can figure this health stuff out and choosing to stay by myself for a week to savor the time is just plain selfish. not really the christmas spirit and all that, you know?

happy christmas and safe travels to you all,

cm

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