the worst walk home ever

dear world,

today, i think i was the most angry i’ve ever been at V. we went for a walk to the co-op. she rode her tri-cycle and i walked along. N took her nap and MHM worked at home. my plan was to get out of the house so he could finish his work.

we got to the co-op with minimal mishaps and then it was on. she wanted to stay at the front and do chalk art which on a sunday morning at 8am is totally fine because no one is there to steal her. at 4pm on labor day, the co-op was packed so that was not an option.

and she fell out.

not even a little bit. a lot. i managed to make it back to the milk section and she literally threw herself to the floor kicking and screaming. i couldn’t even get her to walk out of the store.

i put the milk back, threw her over my shoulder like a sack of kicking, biting potatoes and somehow got out the door. the one gentleman she almost kicked said he understood, he raised 8 kids. at least that’s something. then, she threw herself on the ground outside. then she threw herself down on the ground across the street.

so, how did we get home? i pulled the tri-cycle behind me, lugged the empty milk bottle over my shoulder and carried my limp as a noodle, but full of spit-fire 4 year old over the other shoulder. i could barely speak i was so furious. i gave her the chance to walk 3 times and twice she ran away from me. the third time i think she just sat down. i almost dropped her in the street because she struggled. in a field, this would not be a problem. but we don’t live in a field. we live in a city. with cars. that drive on the previously mentioned streets. she had such dangerous behavior i nearly cried from the frustration and worry of it.

it’s fairly embarrassing to have your child (out of pure rage) yell, “stop, you’re hurting me” over and over again in public. for the record, i was not hurting her.

we finally got home. i took her upstairs to her room. she proceeded to jump on the bed, yelling the whole time. she woke up her sister. i gave her 10 minutes in her room by herself primarily because i needed 10 minutes by myself. MHM went upstairs and sorted her out. she apologized, but i am still so angry.

in my head, i know she’s tired. i know she’s overtired. i know that it happens to every parent. this is the first time i have had to leave a shop without accomplishing the reason for going into the shop due to a tantrum. usually, i can weather it. today, it was a disaster.

i have no moral to this story. just that it happened. at least she’s asleep and i didn’t have to do bedtime with her.

grateful for the small things,



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