emotional mommy

dear world,

i’m just all emotional these days. i went to a  yoga class sunday morning with an instructor i really like. she’s a mother and looks like a real person not a super yoga i’ll-never-be-that-flexible person. she flew into the room about 5 minutes late telling us that as she sat down to nurse her daughter she realized that the clocks had changed and she had 5 minutes to get to class. her daughter is over a year old.

i felt tears sting my eyes.

i feel jealous. how on earth can some people so casually be so great at breastfeeding? i feel guilty because i wish i could give my daughter that same experience. i feel frustrated when activist breast-feeding mothers get all judge-y that not everyone nurses until their children are 3 years old without knowing the whole story. i feel sad that i have to give my little girl a bottle at bedtime instead of latching on like she’s expecting.

and i feel proud that i made it 6 months. when i spoke with the nurse last week about how to make my milk go away one of the last things she told me was that i did a good job. and that i will still be able to bond with my daughter. there are other ways to make that connection. nursing is just one way to be close.

missing that closeness,

cm

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