morning math

dear world,

i realized recently that every morning when my alarm goes off, i make a rapid calculation about what i’m going to do next. there are 4 options:

  1. go back to sleep for as long as possible
  2. do yoga
  3. take a shower
  4. feed the baby

i set my alarm for 5:05am with the full intention of getting out of bed, going downstairs and doing yoga for at least 20 minutes and 30 if i have hope the baby will sleep. but when that alarm goes off, the question of what weighs more rolls through my mind. if the baby was up a bunch in the night, sleep weighs more than yoga. if i’ve been particularly stressed, yoga weighs more than sleep. if i haven’t made it into the shower in a couple days, showering outweighs sleep and yoga.

and then there’s the baby. she has been on a 5am or 5:30am wake up plan lately. no sooner do i begin my yoga practice than i will hear her start to peep upstairs. or cry. even when i try to arrange for MHM to care for her so i can at least finish my practice, i’d rather feed her than have to pump so i stop the program and head upstairs. feeding the baby weighs more than everything.

so far this week i’ve just accepted that she’s going to be up a lot in the night and i’m tired. i’ve stopped fooling myself and i am not even going to attempt to do yoga this week. i’d like to sleep past 5:30am just once this week and catch up a little. then maybe i can start to add yoga back into that morning equation.

not a numbers person,

cm

 

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