in the middle of the night

hello world,

i’m sitting here this morning after baby N decided to stay awake from 5:30am to about 10:30am, eating every half an hour or so. i think we’re both exhausted. she’s sleeping. i’m awake.

i’ve realized though that when i’m over tired and awake in the middle of the night, i think about all kinds of things. i think about grocery shopping and what we need at target. i think about starting to exercise again when it all seems possible because i’m half asleep. i think about what i’m really afraid of. it turns out there are two things:

1. i’m afraid we’re going to drop the baby. you know, as you hand the baby to someone else to hold that she’ll just slip out of my hands and tumble to the ground.

2. i’m afraid V is going to run away and get hit by a car/kidnapped by a stranger. these are equally scary in my mind.

in the light of the day, both possibilities seem more remote, but i have to remember it’s ok to let other people hold the baby. V is 3 1/2- she can walk on the sidewalk without holding my hand (as long as she stays close). the other consequence to my over tired state is that i over-react to everything. i need to relax, too.

sleepily,

cm

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