labor fake out

dear world,

i’ve read a lot about labor and the process of birthing a baby. i’ve heard women share their birth stories. i’ve read other women’s birth stories. i know the signs of early labor. i guess i thought i would be able to recognize when i had those early signs. or at least have some clear indicator that i am in fact in labor and approaching the birth of a baby. it turns out, i have no idea!

in all the stories, it seemed so blatantly obvious. my contractions started, i labored at home for several hours before i went to the hospital, i took a shower and shaved my legs and then we almost didn’t make it, from the first contraction to the birth of my first only took 5 hours. no one mentioned being totally faked out.

yesterday, i had contractions for 5 hours, but no baby yet. this has happened 3 or 4 times now. i think i’m really getting going and then nothing. MHM asks, are they more intense? how am i supposed to know? it’s not his fault, but that question makes me even more distressed. i want them to be increasing in intensity, but i don’t physically know the feeling and don’t have anything to compare it to. i obviously don’t know what it’s supposed to feel like since i can’t differentiate between practice contractions and productive contractions. in case you haven’t guessed, i’m feeling a little frustrated.

last week, i felt fairly zen about the process of pushing a baby out. my body knows what it’s doing and will tell me when it’s time. this week, after explaining to the 43rd person in a row at work that i’m not having any contractions right now and am really ready to meet this baby, i’m feeling a little less peaceful and more discouraged. the worst part is that i’m only discouraged because i keep getting hopeful that i might be in labor.

i thought i would be able to perceive my body’s signals better. a little disappointed in myself,

cm

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