sweet – tart

dear world,

as i near the end of this pregnancy, people keep asking me if i’m getting excited. or if i’m ready to meet this new baby. i have a good line. i am excited. yes, we’re as ready as we can be. yes, i’m feeling big and tired.

to be truthful, i am excited, but whenever my life is going to change this much i always feel apprehensive, too. i don’t think i ever took the time to prepare myself mentally and emotionally for the arrival of a new baby. with V, she was born and we got to know her before we brought her home.

i never expected to get this far into a pregnancy. i assumed the baby would come early like V and we would figure it out because that’s what you do when a baby comes. but now, i’ve had 8 1/2 months to prepare and i don’t feel like i know what to expect. and i feel like V is about to have a major shift in how much time she has with each of us. and i still love having her all to myself.

also, i like being pregnant. there are clear discomforts and changes that simply don’t happen to a non-pregnant person. i wanted so much to experience a “normal” pregnancy that i’m a little sad that it’s almost over. these past months will be a time that i remember and reflect on, but most likely won’t repeat.

i guess, at this point in my life, in creating a life, in living this life, i feel bittersweet. i love the shape of my family and i love the shape of my body. i’m looking forward to the new baby. i’m scared about how my life will shift. how will V really react to a new baby? how will MHM react to a new baby? how will we get to know this new person and fit her into our regular routines?

trying to spend as much alone time with V as possible,

cm

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