our summer rhythm

hello world,

MHM is a teacher, which i’m sure i’ve mentioned before. therefore, he has the summers off and can keep V at home for part of the week. i on the other hand still have to go to work everyday.

there are two odds dynamics here. first, i feel jealous because i’d like to be able to stay home with V 3 days a week. and i’d really like to not work for 3 months during the summer.

wednesday morning art projects

the second is a little more complex. my schedule doesn’t really get lighter in the summer. i still have all my regular obligations and especially right now, i’m doing my best to make it to my yoga class once a week. we have a regular baby sitter who comes twice a month, too. for me, i feel like i’m seeing V less and helping around the house less because i’m currently working full time and maintaining¬†my commitments outside of work at the same time.

for example, last night i called home between work and yoga to catch up with MHM, see how their day went and talk to V in case i missed her bedtime. MHM was getting dinner ready and V hadn’t taken a nap. while we spoke, V peed on the floor (which happens when you’re 3 and overtired) and MHM sounded so exasperated as he hung up to take care of her. and i sat in the car feeling bad that i was going to yoga just for myself when he still had the rest of the night with her with no help.

i texted to see if he wanted me to come home and he told me to go to yoga. which was super sweet. but the conflict is still there. it’s a choice to stay home with her and take those responsibilities and pleasures. it’s one that i wish i had and can’t do anything about. i feel like after working all day i need to come home to give him a break even when i wish i was home the whole time anyway.

quite a conundrum.

to emphasize the situation, MHM and V are in NE Ohio this weekend at a cabin on a lake visiting with friends. because my travel is restricted, i can’t go. so, not only am i missing my weekend time with my family, but i’m also missing time with our friends who live far away. the flip side is i don’t remember the last time i spent a weekend by myself in our house. i’m going to sleep in and do yoga in the morning. there’s no one to battle over the tv with. there’s no one to wake me up at 6:30am.

pleased and a little lonely,

cm

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