i want pop!

dear world,

in my work, election season is always the busiest for me. it means long days and late nights which in turn means missing time with V. this year has been especially difficult for all of us. it comes on the heels of a great deal of travel for me and in the middle of school for MHM.

saturday night turned out to be the most awful of all. i had been out all day and my last shift ended at 4pm. i got home a little before 5pm and they were at the playground. V didn’t want to come home and see me, she wanted to keep playing. fair enough. when they got home, she said hi and they wanted to go outside and pick acorns with pop. then she had three accidents in a row which i believe was her way of registering her frustration with the situation.

then it was time for bed. i told her to give pop kisses and we would go upstairs for settle down. no, i want pop, she cries. it’s ok, i’ll take you. i want to take you, i tell her. and she proceeds to cry her eyes out like i’m punishing her by making her do bedtime with me. finally, MHM had to come up and take over because she was not settling down, she was progressively getting more and more worked up. she really did want pop.

i felt like crying.

last night, i took her to gymnastics (a rare treat, the day before the election). and when it was time for bed, she wanted pop to take her up again. i didn’t fight this time. i could tell she wasn’t feeling well and didn’t want to upset her before bed. after teeth brushing, washing hands and face and one last trip to the potty, MHM asked if she wanted mommy to come read stories with her. she said yes! so, i got to read stories, sing her a song and put her to bed. so nice.

i know i should feel glad that she loves her pop and wants to spend time with him. and i am glad of that, but the challenge is when i want the same time that she wants to give to him. it’s like i lose a little because i choose to have  job that keeps me away sometimes. ultimately, i’m glad i work and i’m glad i do the work i do, but these are the times when i wish i didn’t and could stay home with her all the time. i want her to want to be with her pop. i just want her to want to be with me, too.

today, however, she really is in the grip of a cold. this morning, she felt bad, but her temperature was normal so i took her to school anyway. i got the call around 1pm- temperature of almost 102 and she couldn’t settle down for nap. i brought her home, gave her tylenol and she’s been down for 2 hours. poor kid.




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