home alone

dear world,

yesterday after dinner, we decided to take V up to the playground so she could run around a bit before bedtime. i didn’t feel all that great and after putting on V’s sunscreen decided to stay home. after i poured myself a glass of wine, sat down on the sofa and turned on the tv i realized that i couldn’t recall the last time i was in our house all by myself.

i don’t mean that i don’t spend time alone or go places without MHM or V, but rarely am i actually in my own home with no one else around. if i have time to myself at home, V is usually napping. the more i think about it, i believe the last time i was home alone was inauguration day in 2009 when obama took office. i had the most horrible flu. MHM took V to school and i rolled myself down the stairs to watch the event on tv, but i barely remember it because i was so sick.

i didn’t know what to do with myself. i kind of wanted to turn the volume up really loud because i knew it wouldn’t wake the baby. silly, right? i actually felt kind of adrift, like my normal rhythm got thrown off. and 40 minutes later they returned and everything went back to the old familiar pattern. V ate her snack and we did bedtime. i felt like snuggling a little more.

is that unusual? do more mommies spend time at home with no one else around? i think i must choose to keep V close to me and when she spends the night at nana’s house, MHM and i choose to spend that time with each other because again, it’s atypical.

unexpectedly in my own space,

cm

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