remember that book, i don’t know how she does it? well, someone asked me that question this week. i’m sure i’ve been asked that question before, but this week it resonated for some reason.

my work week got a little overwhelming this week, but i managed. part of what i do is staff development and after coming back from the holidays (and maternity leave) i had about 2 weeks to revise, update and run a two-day training. the training itself went well, but i busted my you know what to get it there. (and i got more negative feedback than i expected which is kind of a bummer. at least i know what i need to do next.)

thursday, i got the girls up and out of the house like usual then went up to the facility to check in with the facilitators and get started. we worked until after 8pm. everyone was asleep when i got home. then we did it all over again friday morning, but we finished a little ahead of schedule and i got to pick them up from school. friday morning, as we’re getting ready to get started, one of my co-workers turned to me and said, “i dont’ know how you do it.” and all i could think was, well, i have to.

it’s hard to balance work and kids. and housework. and date night. mostly, i feel like we manage to keep our kids healthy and safe if not always happy and both of us get our work done. but could we do more? in theory, yes. in practice, nope. i’m barely getting this done.

if i plan to yoga in the morning, then hit snooze for 15 minutes, i miss my window. i have to schedule a shower. i don’t know how i do it either, but at least it gets done… most of the time.

striving for more than the minimum,

cm

ps- i should note that housework falls into the “when i have the time” category fairly often. to illustrate, the cat tracked muddy paw prints all through the downstairs which really necessitated mopping. and by the time i finished using the steam mop this morning, my shoulder hurt! that’s right, i have a sore muscle because of the steam mop. i rule.

almost three months ago now, i wrote about giving up breastfeeding because my doctor prescribed a medication that’s unsafe for babies. however, here i am still nursing baby N. now, my conflict is reversed.

i am so glad to be able to still feed her. i’ll admit, it’s a pain pumping at work. there are a million more dishes at night and i have to gracefully step out of meetings to sequester myself in my office for 15 minutes, 3 times a day. but, she’s still thriving on my milk. and, even though i’m tired, i get up with her in the night and feed her with both of us half asleep. it’s exhausting, but peaceful.

the problem now is that the insurance company won’t approve the medication. and i still don’t feel well. i’m torn between wanting the drug so i feel better and holding on to nursing my girl.

i don’t have a resolution. and i’m not really complaining. it’s a strange place to be- the in between. i feel like i have to take advantage of every moment because i don’t know when they’re going to approve the drug and it’ll be over. it’s kind of like travelling by airplane. you know eventually you’ll get where you’re going, but you are not in charge and cannot predict if you’ll have a direct flight or if mechanical difficulties will keep you in between home and your destination for days.

waiting for an answer,

cm

i realized that i’ve shared a great deal of my frustration with my little ones recently. i come by it honestly. we’ve had some trying times lately in the behavior department. but, i love my children. i really do.

i read a blog post this week called don’t carpe diem that really struck a cord with me. the author speaks about the women with grown children who come up to her in the line at target and tell her to cherish every moment- it just goes by so fast. i don’t know about you, but i always feel a little bitter when these women say this stuff to me. i know i should enjoy it, but it’s not always easy when your kid flat out refuses to put her coat on and it’s snowing outside. and you really do have to go and you’re pretty sure her shoes are coming off next. but you’re not supposed to feel bitter and she talks about this feeling so well.

she also writes an obvious truth: parenting is hard. we don’t think about this very often because everyone has kids and everyone raises them. it’s just what you do. seriously, though, it’s really hard to do a good job.

the part that stands out the most is when she discusses time:

There are two different types of time. Chronos time is what we live in. It’s regular time, it’s one minute at a time, it’s staring down the clock till bedtime time, it’s ten excruciating minutes in the Target line time, it’s four screaming minutes in time out time, it’s two hours till daddy gets home time. Chronos is the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in.

Then there’s Kairos time. Kairos is God’s time. It’s time outside of time. It’s metaphysical time. It’s those magical moments in which time stands still. I have a few of those moments each day. And I cherish them.

i had one of those moments tonight. as i sat on the sofa, holding the baby after she ate, i looked over at V. she was watching diego and rocking in her rocking chair that she got for christmas. diego was telling us to “shake, shake” and she shook her little self. it was super sweet. she wasn’t showing off. she wasn’t being stubborn. she was so into the program that her whole body followed along. i love that.

choosing to cherish the magical moments,

cm

V is taking dance classes. just as the holidays were getting underway, V revealed that her favorite thing to do is dance. and that she wants to be a ballerina when she grows up. we pulled up some videos of the nutcracker on YouTube and she loved it. and dance along with the sugar plum fairy. it seemed to be a real interest.

we checked out a dance studio and let her try a class. (the first class is free!) she adored it. she went right in and didn’t look back. she followed her teacher. she interacted with the other little girls. so, for christmas, we asked for dance lessons from one of her grandparents and went ahead and enrolled her.

obviously, there was a break over the holidays. no dance on christmas eve. no dance on new year’s eve. but all that is over now and we’re back to normal.

sort of. this past saturday, she was thrilled to put her tutu dress back on. she wanted to bring a cereal bar in the car. there was no fussing about leaving the house. and when we got there, she wouldn’t go in. i mean seriously, she hid her face in her arm. she literally wouldn’t participate in the class. the studio is set up so the kids go into a separate room and parents can watch on a monitor outside the classroom and she’s never had a reservation about it before. this time, i even went into the room and sat with her for a couple of minutes, but she refused to join the class. she wouldn’t even walk over with her teacher. so we left. i didn’t want to sit there and disrupt the other kids.

here’s my dilemma: dance is not mandatory and i don’t want to make her do something she doesn’t want to do. but the other side of that is we are spending a lot of money on dance classes that she said she wanted. but she’s three. does she actually have any idea what she wants long term? i don’t know. i’m torn between wanting her to go to see it through, not wanting to make her do something she doesn’t want to do and wasting all that money on a class she’ll probably never attend again. (did i read the contract regarding cancellation before i signed? of course not.)

to V’s very great credit, she did not throw a fit. it was like she was actually scared. my child who never met a stranger suddenly couldn’t bring herself to be in a class without her mommy. sometimes, i forget that she’s still a little kid. she’s so stubborn and independent and strong willed that when she isn’t, i’m surprised.

not sure how to handle a change of behavior,

cm

our entire weekly routine changed this week and i think we’re all still reeling from it a bit. not only did we just end two entire weeks off work and school, but my maternity leave properly ended. MHM’s winter break from teaching was actually longer than his paternity leave earlier in the year. this week saw us shift into a new normal routine.

starting on tuesday, i went back at work full time. which means V and baby N are in school together full time for the first time. both girls are doing so well during the day at school that i can only imagine it’s easy to fall to pieces as soon as we leave.

for the past 3 days, V has run away from me as soon as we walked out the door from daycare. not just a little run away, but i had to put the baby in the car and come back to catch her and carry her into the car. she ran into the street (dangerous!) she struggled against putting her seatbelt on. ugh.

N has decided that she doesn’t want to sleep in her bed alone anymore. last night, again, every time i put her down her little eyes would spring open. i finally put a fuzzy blanket underneath her hoping that maybe not having cold sheets would help her sleep. i think it worked. she settled in finally around 11pm. this is after i had been up since 4am struggling with the same issue the night before. this is probably not advised by some safety agency. but she slept! she slept!

and i am just exhausted. i forgot how tired working makes me. i tried to review some documents right before it was time to go home yesterday and had to put them away. i don’t remember what i read the sentence before.

here’s my plan: i have a pocket full of m&m’s and i’m not afraid to use them. V already got one this morning for getting into the car without a fuss. if she gets into the car after school without a fuss she’s going to get another one. i don’t know if this is healthy, but i have to do something or i may just cry. and i’m going to go to bed as early as i can get N to sleep. i don’t care if it’s 8:30pm. it looks like our new routine is going to have lots of treats for a while until we get used to it.

does anyone have another idea for helping my little ones adjust to our new routine?

overtired, but still trying,

cm

i may have mentioned this before, but today it seems appropriate again. 2 children is way more than 1 kid plus 1 kid. for example, have you ever tried to put 2 children to bed at the same time? or even in the same evening? i have had two 2-hour bedtimes in a row.

first, V is back to her old i’m-not-sleepy tricks again. it’s dark. i can’t see. (believe it or not, i know this since i have just turned out the light.) bedtime is at 8pm. she finally settled down around 9:45pm.

second, N has become a night owl suddenly. gone are the days of falling asleep at 7:30pm and staying asleep until 3am. no, that couldn’t last. she won’t settle down until around 10pm. so as soon as one is settled, it’s time to settle the other one.

to be fair, MHM started settle down with V last night and i had just got N to sleep when he came downstairs. then, V started banging around and since she had been asking for me, he said i should go up. you know the rest. N obviously woke up, V obviously threw a fit and suddenly it’s 10:30pm and i’m exhausted.

i love my girls, but goodness they can tire a person out sometimes. i’m going to eliminate her nap altogether today when i take V to school. she did so much better at bedtime over the holiday break and that’s the only variable i can change.

ready for a peaceful evening,

cm

i’m feeling pretty accomplished in my mommy role at the moment. not only did we navigate the holiday madness without any major meltdowns, but two separate new moms asked me for advice!

first, our holidays this year started with a visit from my dear friend aunti m, then aunt b and her beau came for a visit, then santa came, then more presents with auntie a and nana. then we travelled all week to see MHM’s family and both girls got to see 3 more grandmas, two grandpas and a handful of uncles and aunts. i’m feeling a little overwhelmed and i’m a grown up. i can’t imagine what this must feel like when you’re 3 1/2. and poor baby N got all out of sorts. she was up every 45 minutes one night. tiring, but manageable.

which brings me to the mommy advice. about a week ago, i got a call from baby J’s mom. (baby J and baby N share a birthday.) apparently baby J had been sleeping almost through the night, only up once for a couple weeks and then just stopped. he was up every hour. she was beside herself. seriously, after a couple days without sleep, who wouldn’t be. then, i got the same question from my husband’s step-sister whose daughter is about a month younger than N.

the best i advice i could give was don’t worry, it’s a phase and it will pass. you didn’t do anything wrong. sometimes, their sleep cycles just change. we talked about nursing the baby to sleep, but in my experience that only works if your baby is hungry. the other thing i recommended is bringing the baby into bed with you. i am a firm believer that a small person needs to sleep in her own bed and be responsible for letting me know when she needs something. however, when i am going to be useless the next day because i’m so tired, i would rather everyone get some sleep and try again the next day.

that’s what i did this past week while we travelled and last night N slept in her own bed all night. it’s not a permanent solution, but it’ll at least help break the cycle.

happy new year and wishing you all sleepy babies,

cm

this year, V really gets christmas. i mean, she knows who santa is, where he lives and that he’s going to bring her presents christmas morning. we discussed how christmas works the whole way to school this morning.

saturday is christmas eve. we’ll put out cookies and milk for santa. like olivia does? just like olivia does.

then, when you wake up christmas morning, santa will have left your presents under the tree. and i’ll give him a big hug!

well, no, and this is where the confusion sets in. we went around and around about how santa only comes while we’re all asleep and we don’t actually get to see him. i’m pretty sure she understands. (or maybe she just gave up and moved on.)

managing the expectations of a 3 1/2 year old is quite challenging. you build up this holiday so much and it all gets muddled in her brain. she wants a rocking horse, a belle doll and these toy dogs and cats she saw in a catalog. well, i don’t think santa is going to bring all those things, but maybe he’ll bring you stuff you didn’t ask for. yes, mommy, and a rocking horse, belle doll and dogs and cats. well, what if santa runs out of some of those? oh well, she says, that happens. i think we’ll be ok.

this will also be the first time we’re spending christmas morning in our house where we live. i’m kind of excited about. i think she’s really going to have fun.

looking forward to celebrating at home,

cm

our children are fortunate enough to still have several great-grandparents around. however, this leads to a challenge at holiday time. they don’t want stuff, but we still need to give them gifts. the level of thoughtfulness has been increased. this past year, i decided that we wouldn’t get any great-grandparent something that couldn’t be consumed in some fashion- food, stamps, notecards. only useful, usable gifts from now on.

last year, we gave each great-grandparent two wallet size photos of V and two pretty magnets to hang them on the fridge. this year, V decided she wanted to make treats for them. this is our inexpensive, pre-schooler friendly treat solution. it kept V engaged for a long time and she asked to make more the following day. (i should note that the fun is increased by listening to christmas music the whole time.)

ingredients: 1 bag of small pretzels, 1-2 large bags of hershey kisses (depending on how many you want to make), 1 large bag of red and green plain m&m’s

1. pre-heat oven to 250 degrees. line cookie sheets with foil and spray with cooking spray. (i think the spray is probably optional, but we had it so we used it.)
2. take the wrappers off of a bag of kisses. put the kisses in one bowl and the wrappers in another.
3. arrange pretzels in a single layer on a cookie sheet. fit as many as you can on there.
4. put 1 kiss in the center of each pretzel then put in the oven for about 6 minutes. (you want the kisses to just start to soften, but not get too melty or the pan to get too hot.)
5. remove pan from the oven and put 1 m&m in the center of each kiss and squish it down.
6. let cool completely and store in a bag until ready to transfer to festive holiday bags.

the one warning i have is that if you have a young person helping you, be sure to warn her that the pan gets hot. V and i each accidentally touched the pan a couple times. no one got burned, but it is certainly not cool to the touch. we looked pretty funny making these last weekend- i had baby N in the front pack carrier, V stood on her step stool as we took off wrapper after wrapper. we had a ball.

happy for edible holiday treats,

cm

my maternity leave is ending this week. next week, i start back to work half time and at once i’m looking forward to it and i’m not. i miss adult conversation and having things to talk about that happen outside of this house and my family. and at the same time, i’m sitting here with baby N in my lap sleeping, know full well i have a ton of stuff to do and not wanting to put her down.

i feel like since i only have 5 days left i really need to take advantage of all the snuggle time possible. i need to do some laundry. i need to put away some laundry from yesterday. i need to wrap presents. (i need to go shop for presents!) i need to cut the material for the next christmas stocking. but instead, i’m going to sit here and snuggle my baby.

i know she’ll be my baby next week, too, but after this week i will drop her off at school with V and i won’t get to do this very often.

taking it all in while i can,

cm